Last night I had one of the most terrible sleep I’ve had in a while. I slept on my back like my physio told me to, instead of having the usual comfort of curling up like a fragile fetus, I am flat as a charcuterie board lying there enduring the back pain and stress of a young adult who has bad posture and a dry bank account.
I toss and turn to the sound of the sleep hypnosis recording that my friend shared with me that put me to sleep a fair amount of times, with this night not being one of them, the sound of the calming meditation filling me up with waves of anxiety instead of ease. I roll over and turn off the voice recording and proceed to curl up into fetus position, fuck good posture or fixing my back pain, right now I’m prioritizing my now pain.
“God please let me fall into deep sleep so I can proceed to feel like a normal person in the morning, not an agitated ball of anxious and easily irritated energy that will stomp around other people who are just trying to exist in peace.”
Back to this silent prayer and message to God and the universe to stop poking me because sleeping alone amidst this current life problem combo really isn’t the most desirable night in.
Will it get better? Probably. Will I feel this way again? Also probably. Am I full of hope claiming all the good vibes the universe is sending me? Trust me, I’m trying. Tune in for another episode of stressed, slightly depressed and easily impressed-- my life chronicles.
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