The Magic of Timing

Timing. We’ve all heard the saying, “Timing’s a Bitch” or “Right person, wrong time”. Timing, timing, timing, oh what a grand concept to use to explain things not working out in life. But now more than ever, I’m finding how fascinating everything unfolds and folds into each other with the magical ingredient of timing.

In hindsight those months of being stuck in a limiting and draining mindset served a purpose, as everything aligned. From bonding and sharing different perspectives with friends that I loved but wasn’t the closest with previously, to picking up a book that I bought months ago telling me I need a change, to having uncomfortable conversations in my workplace.

From parting ways with a partner that felt like home, to finding friends that feel like soulmates, and from meeting multiple disappointments to meeting a few that lean more towards hope. All signs point north, all signs are pulling me towards the edge, begging for me to kick down the heavily guarded gates of my own limitations.

The sequence of how events and emotions flowed and found its rightful place on the puzzle that has been waiting to be put together for the longest time. Sure maybe I’m just looking back and trying to tell myself a better version of my story, most likely confirmation bias or recency bias, whatever it may be, I’ve managed to paint a more elegant picture in my head, one that doesn’t make want to scream and pull at my hair or cry myself to sleep. So let’s have it, timing.

Chronicles of a night out

After a night out I find myself assessing which is the bigger casualty, my bruised knee or my bruised dignity.

And on the next night out I wonder why I always took myself so seriously, equipped with a new ability, or more accurately—- a desire to take each encounter lightly, to go with the flow, to take things as they are and not as the overanalyzed version of the story in my head. I wonder why I put myself through so much agony over encounters that were meant to just feel like a scratch on the surface, but my emotional turmoil made it feel like it was a whole car crash.

To an extent I feel like I have adapted and trained myself to not be the most over-analytical neurotic version of myself. And for the most part it works, until some part gets unhinged and the chain engine goes to work and choo choo bye goes my self control.

Yes, alcohol is a suppressant and I dance a thin line of chasing a high brought by a concoction of poison, attention and vibrations. And sometimes I have to remind myself that I’m not so much a master of walking the tightrope but rather a player who can easily tip over even with just a slight change of the wind. To my fellow player, stay vigilant and be wary of temptations, especially this holiday season. xx Much love

A retrospective view of my past week

When I started writing these things the initial idea was to write about some astounding realisations, newly uncovered life meanings, a lesson learned or stolen life advice. But at this point it has slowly developed into a diary of my never ending whirlwind of emotions and occasional rants about life––which is not the worst type of whining, but nonetheless, whining.

And that is what I have in store for this week's entry, a retrospective view of my past week or so, and if I dare say–– a cry for help.

If you know me personally then you know very well that I love my sleep, at 24 and my mother is still in disbelief that her dear daughter likes to spend my days sleeping in, well past 10 am instead of jumping out of bed bright and early to smash the day, regardless of whether or not I slept early. It’s not that I don’t have the hunger to get out of bed and churn out productiveness, it’s just that the comfort of my bed is sometimes the most constant thing in my life that leaving it seems like a betrayal of its loyalty to me.

But lately my favourite activity has been giving me a fair amount of stress as it’s been coupled with more than the occasional——- nightmares. I’ve been having nightmares for almost a week straight, the contents ranging from forgetting to go to work, mucking up at work, someone I care about believing rumours about me instead of what I say.( or something like that I forgot already this was last week rip)

In retrospect, that was definitely my body telling me that I need de-stressing because I have submerged myself in a copious amount of stress and I am simply going into overdrive with the fuse coming close to going off. Listen to your body folks, because otherwise––– kaboom there goes your head.