I saw a post on Instagram the other day that said something like: “I don’t know if I’m in the worst state of my life or am I living my best life.”
I relate to this statement so deeply almost so that I feel like a sim character that just got programmed to feel as the algorithm told me to and am currently doing some sort of meta observation of my own psyche within the said reality.
I feel like my cup is filled to the brim overflowing with blessings, energy and warmth and at the same time that cup is set on a boat that is being trashed by treacherous waters. I feel the most at home in my own skin and my thoughts than I’ve ever had and yet at the same I feel like a stranger sleeping in my bed visiting the web of thoughts in my head.
There are days I feel so alive, filled with such hope and willingness to stay still and just match the energy of what the universe is sending my way . And other days I’m filled with such dread, anxiety and the agitated emotions of someone who just wants to scream at everyone that’s in my way.
Some days I wake up from nightmares with pains in my chest, with the urge to call up everyone to comfort me and fill up my emotional void. On others I wake up with the sun shining on my face with so much gratitude and appreciation for those around me that I just want to get out of the house and tell every single one of them.
Do I always feel my emotions in such extremities? Yes. Am I trying to channel more calming and mellow energy? Yes. Is it working? No. That's all for today kids, stay tuned for another episode existential crisis by me.
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