I have, over the past few days come to a realization that the thought of planning things and doing rituals excites me and gives a fresh new hope in the seemingly mundane repetitiveness of my daily life. But the actual sitting down and planning and doing the rituals tire me, knowing that it takes an extra spike of energy, an extra block of time, an extra chunk of space in my thoughts fills me with boredom, fatigue and dread. So I definitely am not a planner, not in my personality nor in my passions.
I know I’m not a pioneer in this, with this being the motivation for many habit building, mental reshaping self-help books, videos and exercises. Yes, the first step in building a habit is always the hardest, which is what I’ve learned from all the psychology books teaching me to train my brain better ( The Power of Habit & Smarter Faster Better by Charles Duhigg being my top picks), and the advice I always give people when they ask how I can keep up a seemingly consistent workout schedule.
But then again this knowledge does not make starting a skincare routine and sticking to it any easier, nor does it make keeping my home plants lively and green the easiest task, and don’t even get me started on using a planner or journal all the way through, a feat that I have yet to complete since my scribbly days in junior high. Not to mention the constant language practices for my Korean and Spanish, the will otherwise remain stagnant, or worse, deteriorate (*gasps* oh no my role a multilingual is sooo threatened)
Jokes aside, I try to remind myself that like my mental health being something that needs constant work (to not succumb to my tendencies of being a pessimist and emotional wreck), my habits and my goals are also nonetheless, the same. To anyone who reads this and can relate to my reluctance in being a doer that is a planner, I see you, no really, I SEE U.
Below you'll find a photo of me looking lost and stressed, I'm convinced I constantly look like this:
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