Book Review: Why we’re all needy —and why it’s OK

If you’re like me and have been told that you are too needy/clingy/too dependent/insecure and spend days wondering whether you’re better off alone because you wouldn’t want to impose your neediness on yet another partner, well guess what? Science tells us that that’s OK, because we’re all needy. That’s right, according to our biology, we are ALL needy, whether you’re a badass independent woman who likes to do everything on their own, or you simply don’t think you’re needy, well, I hate to break it to you, once we choose to have a partner, you are dependent. No, that doesn’t mean that we’re all annoying spouses who monitor their other half 24/7, in person or through text(and God knows what other ways). No, it actually means that if we have someone to depend on, we are more capable to be independent and stand strong in this batshit crazy world that we live in. This is what is called the “Dependency paradox” in the book Attachment —The New Science of Adult Attachment And how it can help you find— and keep —love. The book explores everything I just mentioned, from what attachment style you are(a.k.a. what kind of needy are you), to how to get along with your person, and even on how to spot red flags, and how to get the hell out of a toxic relationship.

Being a “young adult” in this day and age (emphasis on young, not so much the adult), a lot of our thoughts go into thinking about love. (Ok maybe it’s just me) The love we feel for our family, the love we’re trying to figure out how to give ourselves, the love we’re trying to learn how to receive, and in the midst of it all, the love we want to have forever in our lives, the unconditional, soul scorching kind of love. But sometimes it takes a wake-up call to remind ourselves that we should be focusing much less on how to love others, until we really figure out the rest. If you’re looking to take on the challenge of learning more about yourself and why you act the way you do in relationships, this book is a good place to start.

Things that make my heart feel a CERTAIN way

Things that make my heart feel a CERTAIN way : ( in no particular order)

1. That perpetual soreness in your body after working out

2. That warm feeling you get when the the character you like in movie/tv show you’re watching feels genuinely happy

3. Good poems that are easy to read

4. Sad poems

5. The sight of strong women powerlifting

6. Picturing myself getting there like those women someday (soon)

7. Finally learning how to workout with a barbell

8. Learning dance routines ( despite looking like a fool doing it)

9. Watching people struggle learning a dance routine and end up killing it

10. Tv shows/dramas with school settings

11. Picturing myself being the kid who’s smart and hardworking

12. Apple crumble pie

13. Any apple pie crust

2:44 a.m.

It's almost 3 a.m. and I'm sat here in front of my computer wondering how is it possible that my dumbass has managed to trigger my reoccuring backpain by doing only 10 minutes of a pilates workout during the day, and more imporatantly wondering if whatever I'm creating will ever see the day of light.

I say I want to create something that people can relate to by telling stories about my life or talking about the ongoing worries I have in my daily life, and hopefully someone somewhere will read it and feel less lonely because they are not the only going batshit crazy over the things that they worry about in life. But is that what this is really about ? Maybe this is just a selfish/attention seeking reindeition of of a diary, pouring out the worries in my head and hoping someone catches a whiff of the sadness and comes running in my direction to save me. Or maybe it's my attempt to join the creative crowd, a shout in the direction of the general world, trying to blast out the statement: " Hey I'm creative too!! I make art too!!" even though I'm actually not sure if I belong to that crowd.

Either way, I've decided to go with it, to go with the flow, to finish what I've begun, to cover the topics that I said I would, even though I promised no one but myself, but it takes me keeping a promise to myself to prove to myself that I'm alive. Not just a body going through the motions, but someone with a soul.