If you’re like me and have been told that you are too needy/clingy/too dependent/insecure and spend days wondering whether you’re better off alone because you wouldn’t want to impose your neediness on yet another partner, well guess what? Science tells us that that’s OK, because we’re all needy. That’s right, according to our biology, we are ALL needy, whether you’re a badass independent woman who likes to do everything on their own, or you simply don’t think you’re needy, well, I hate to break it to you, once we choose to have a partner, you are dependent. No, that doesn’t mean that we’re all annoying spouses who monitor their other half 24/7, in person or through text(and God knows what other ways). No, it actually means that if we have someone to depend on, we are more capable to be independent and stand strong in this batshit crazy world that we live in. This is what is called the “Dependency paradox” in the book Attachment —The New Science of Adult Attachment And how it can help you find— and keep —love. The book explores everything I just mentioned, from what attachment style you are(a.k.a. what kind of needy are you), to how to get along with your person, and even on how to spot red flags, and how to get the hell out of a toxic relationship.
Being a “young adult” in this day and age (emphasis on young, not so much the adult), a lot of our thoughts go into thinking about love. (Ok maybe it’s just me) The love we feel for our family, the love we’re trying to figure out how to give ourselves, the love we’re trying to learn how to receive, and in the midst of it all, the love we want to have forever in our lives, the unconditional, soul scorching kind of love. But sometimes it takes a wake-up call to remind ourselves that we should be focusing much less on how to love others, until we really figure out the rest. If you’re looking to take on the challenge of learning more about yourself and why you act the way you do in relationships, this book is a good place to start.
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